Borderline

Alone..

I remember being at places I didn’t want to be. She’d drag me around with her as she would get drunk and high at other people’s houses. I can still remember playing at a little girls house that was in my class room. She lived at the end of the street that my mom dragged me to. I remember it was getting late. It was dark and I could see the little girls face getting tired. I told her I was going to see if my mom was done so I could leave. She walked outside with me and she stayed in her yard as I went to find my mom. I got to the door of where my mother was earlier and she was no longer there. I felt panicked, I felt alone. I hurried back to the little girls yard but she was gone. Was the darkness outside frightening for her, was she afraid to be alone and didn’t wait for me to get back. I was afraid to knock on her door. I was afraid because I didn’t want them to know my mom left me.

My home was about a mile away, I knew how to get there. I was scared to make that journey alone late at night. Somewhere in the mist of running I remember I lost a shoe. I turned to look back but I could not see it i just kept going. On that long road was a bar my parents would go to alot, I remember thinking maybe she’s there. I walked in frightened, glossy eyed with only one shoe. I asked the woman behind the bar if my parents had been in here. I told her their names and knew she must know them. I can still see her face shocked as a 7 year old child is trying to find her parents in a bar late at night. I was so upset because I truly hoped one of them would be there. I hurried on my way down the rest of that long road.

I ran up the stairs as fast as I could but no one was home. I cried, I was alone.

It seemed so fast that my mother and the police were there. I remember her getting arrested for leaving me. Somewhere in the same night earlier my father had already gotten arrested as well. I was unaware that they were fighting while I was just trying to be a kid and playing with that little girl.

Completely alone in the back of that police car. I cried and asked where are you taking me. I remember the officer replied I was going to my grandmother’s house and half of my worries faded because I knew I wasn’t going to be sent into state custody.

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11 thoughts on “Borderline

  1. Such a terrifying experience and at such a young age….. I’m sure you’re amazingly strong now, because of the things you endured as a child. I look back on the past sometimes and think…. well, since I got through that, I can can get through this. We draw strength from the battles we once faced and move boldly forward when we face yet another.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A powerful retelling of what must have been a truly terrifying experience – I have huge respect for you being able to put these words out there and hope the experience of writing these posts is cathartic.

    Liked by 1 person

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