Borderline

Finding love..

Im a young lady now, i am 14.

I stay away alot more. I find much solitude being with friends and keeping busy. I find myself searching for a path in what seems like such a cold hearted world.

Searching for my place, searching for my happiness, my moment. Wanting something so tremendously to give me a purpose. I needed to feel wanted, I needed more than anything else in the world to feel loved. I thrived so desperately for that.

I can still remember meeting him. He caught my eye so delightfully.  We hung out in groups and crowds of friends. I can still remember us always being around one an other. I remember the day he asked me to be his, there was an instant feeling of being wanted I longed for.

I remember those three words so clearly, those three words that I needed, I love you.

I finally felt wanted. I finally was needed. I finally was loved.

I remember the first time he put his hands on me, I remember every single detail down to the smell of the room. I remember so vividly because that was the moment I should have walked away and never ever looked back, I couldn’t do it though. I couldn’t do it because after his apology came those three words, I love you. I couldn’t loose that, it was all I longed for, I needed that. I needed so desperately to be loved. My need for that weighed so heavy it took over every rationality in my head.

A few months pass and I find myself hiding dark secrets. I’m smiling to the world, yet I’m crying inside.  I’m hiding bruises and being very careful with my words. I don’t see my friends much anymore, I don’t laugh much either. But it’s ok because I am loved.

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